i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
