So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
