the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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