Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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