Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
