I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
