Your dad touched me again.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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