I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
