i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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