WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
