i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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