Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
