Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
