Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
