so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
