you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
