Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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