help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
