I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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