woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
