Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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