They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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