I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
