I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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