i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He has the fingertips of a God
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