my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
