Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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