There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
