I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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