I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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