he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
tell me about the eggs
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
