bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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