I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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