just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
