I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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