I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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