i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
