Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm really busy with my period
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