Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
