They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
