I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
