did you get engaged???
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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