I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think im in europe. pls send help
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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