Well apparently he's into motor boating.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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