is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
