Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
