yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
