I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
