It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
