is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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