So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
