I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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