oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
