I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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