Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
