sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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