It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
