The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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