Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
