All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
