my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
