We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
