Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
