dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
