Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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