Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
