Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
