Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is Oprah even human
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
