I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
