Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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