First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's the barista slut.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
