I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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