Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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