Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
