I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize