I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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