sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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