If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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