Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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