I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
