I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
