i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
