so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize