she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
