Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
