Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
