Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
