thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
