Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
