someone threw a dead crab at me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
