Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Soap is not a condiment
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
