I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
