there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
