You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
