do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
