I just threw up on my dentist
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
