Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That accounts for only three of the penises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Randomize
