I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
