I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize