elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
