Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's always time for handjobs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
