Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
