sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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