She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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