the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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